Happy Birthday Rocket Boy!

I am planning out some new great posts, but I wanted to sneak in a quick celebration post. 

Rocket Boy turned four just a few days ago. 

Honestly, I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday I held him in my arms for the first time, little 6lb peanut he was. I couldn't help but watch the clock in the night before his birthday and on the day of thinking, "This is when I woke up in labor," or "I was in the birthing tub right about now," and "This was the moment we first held you." I suppose every mother thinks these sort of things as her children grow. 

We had a low key day with Rocket Boy, since his birthday is just a few short days after the craziness of Christmas. We will have a party in a couple of weeks, but we all need some detox from the holidays. He spent the day playing with the million new toys (mainly Duplo sets, which he loves!). He decided on his favorite Mexican restaurant for his birthday dinner and ate like a horse. I can't get him to eat dinner at home, but if we go out for Mexican he eats like a starved man. 

During dinner he spotted another little boy at the table next to us. He was playing with a plane (R.B. loves the movie Planes) and R.B commented on it as we ate. As the family got up to leave the boy lingered near our table waiting for everyone to get on coats and hats. Rocket Boy tried his very best to have a conversation with the boy. He even gave out his full name and followed the normal flow of trying to start a conversation - something we have worked on so hard. I could not have been prouder of that little interaction. 

Of course Rocket Boy wasn't phased by his progress, he just wanted his ice cream. 

It is hard to watch him grow and change, but at the same time it makes my heart just burst with pride and love. This is a bit of a departure from the normal bits on the blog, but sometimes us mothers just have to wax poetic. 

Happy Birthday Rocket Boy! 

The Holiday Rush

I'm sneaking in one more post before Christmas - the holiday season throws me off my normal routine, including blogging.

One of the biggest changes around our house lately has been the instillation of some new sensory items - and they are REALLY helping.

I made a crash pad, though it needs some tweaking. But I found an old sleeping bag, stuffed it with all the spare pillows and blankets, and it sits at the end of the couch. This way Rocket Boy can jump off the couch onto it. It has seriously saved my couches from further abuse. He jumps off one spot instead of jumping up and down all day on the poor couches.

The other addition has been a trampoline. We came by the trampoline through family - for free! My sister-in-law got it as a gift for one of her children but they have a large outdoor trampoline so they never even opened it. I mentioned our SPD diagnosis and things were looking for in conversation, and she offered the trampoline to us.

These two items are only the start of our sensory collection but we have already noticed a huge difference in behavior. His aggression towards Rocket Baby has almost totally disappeared which is a huge stress reliever for the whole family (probably especially for R.Baby!).

 We have started to do "roll-ups" before bed and now he asks for them. Basically we just roll him in a medium sized fleece blanket (with his head out) and then I rock with him - big rocking motions. He starts out rigid but then he starts to relax and is all ready for bed.

Next on our list is a Sensory "sock", which is on its way to us, is going to be a hit I think. Rocket Boy has a major obsession with wrapping up in blankets and this sock will hopefully give him his own little cocoon without messing up my bed. We are also going to look into getting a weighted blanket and a fidget seat.

The holidays are causing some over-stimulation and craziness in our house, like it does for most people. But all in all, I think he is handling things well. Thanksgiving was with a different group and in a new place this year, which made him get a bit anxious and we had to leave early due to the behavior that brought to the surface. We are hosting Christmas dinner this year, which will either be easier (his own space) or way too overwhelming...we shall see.

I will ask you to insert some awesome pictures in your mind of Rocket Boy jumping like crazy on a trampoline and of our Christmas tree...because I don't have time to edit them right now. Happy holidays everyone!

Sensory Foam!

This day started as a meltdown morning for the whole family. We all woke up on the wrong side of the bed. After a nap/quiet time reset, I decided to make a quick sensory table.

Usually, sensory tables have a way of calming down Rocket Boy, and it keeps him occupied for more than two seconds at a time. Today we tried sensory foam, which I had not made before. Rocket Boy loves bubble baths, but those bubbles are always short lived and we have had more than one instance of him dumping an ENTIRE bottle of bubble bath behind our backs to try to rectify this issue.

You probably already have what you need right at home for this, which makes it easy to whip up when everyone is needing a good reset. I loath sensory stuff that takes a lot of prior planning on my part, so anything I can make from the cupboard is a win for me.

We used:

• Dish Soap (I had a Dawn brand "soft on your hands" type under the sink)
• Water
• Cornstarch
• Optional - food coloring or washable liquid watercolors
• Optional - small toys, pirate treasure, etc.

We didn't color ours today. It is snowing out, so I just called it fluffy snow. Actually...I didn't want to test how badly colors would soak into Rocket Baby's adorable cloth diaper. Ya just never know! The cornstarch could also be optional, but it does give the bubbles more staying power, without it they dissolve faster.

Put about 1/4 cup of water in the stand mixer (or use a hand mixer and large bowl) and add a squirt of soap. I know, I'm technical. Just use about the amount you would for a sink of dirty dishes. Then about 2 tsp of cornstarch. Then just turn on the mixer and let it go!

That small amount quickly ballooned up to fill my entire bowl to the top with bubbles. I made eight batches to fill our sensory table, and it only took about five minutes. Before putting the foam in, I put coins, magnet letters, and other things in the bottom of the table. This encouraged Rocket Boy to dig for treasure! He also was able to practice letter recognition as he pulled out each magnet. For those with babies around like we do, I think this is pretty baby safe. Rocket Baby did try to put some soap in his mouth, but quickly spit it out and didn't do it again. He seems no worse for the quick taste.

If I could change a couple things, next time I would use less scented soap. I quickly remembered why that soap was half-used under the sink - I hated the smell. Rocket Boy didn't seem to care since he rarely notices smells at all. Next time we might also color the foam, maybe with several colors so we can swirl and mix them!

Obviously though, the boys enjoyed this very much! You can even see on the fridge back there where Rocket Baby was trying to put a soapy magnet back on the fridge. The floor is probably a little cleaner now, but I will mop after bedtime to be sure to get any lingering soap film off.

Happy sensory play! (Pin this for later!)

Processing...

Our evaluation with the child psychologist and occupational therapist was last Wednesday.

I thought I would update right away, but honestly it was a lot to process.

And we don't know the results until this Friday.

Honestly, I am still not sure what to think of the experience or what I was told. Currently, autism of any level is "off the table" according to what the psychologist told us at the evaluation. Apparently, he is too talkative. Having met autistic children and adults and parents of autistic kids, I know very well that autistic individuals can be talkative and social. I found it really odd - and frankly wrong - to take autism out of the equation simply based on the fact that he interrupted me hundred times during the evaluation.

And then I get this feeling of guilt that I am "upset" or "confused" about autism not being a possibility - obviously as a mother I would love for a doctor to see and say he is totally normal. Except that is not what she said - she said that we are obviously looking at "something", most likely severe ADHD and SPD (sensory processing disorder). She said that many of the symptoms/behaviors can mimic autism, especially Aspergers/high functioning. Even with her admitting that his behaviors (especially in repetitive behaviors/stimming) appear autistic, she refused to use the autism diagnostic checklist during their playtime.

If she decides this is what he is dealing with (ADHD/SPD mix), the only options we have are occupational therapy (OT) and later on, medication. When I expressed my worry that while he does okay in school now (3 hours, twice a week), that he could be overwhelmed later on when it is 8 hours a day, five days a week her answer was "well, that is when you use medication".

We are already doing the other things suggested, like diet changes (he doesn't have sweets, sugar, junk, and after taking out food colorings we saw no difference though we do avoid them in general anyway). We already are using the parenting techniques she mentioned. I feel as though she heard our cry for help and answered with a generic label.

We will see what Friday holds. What her final conclusion is. If nothing else, we have gotten in touch with an OT that we like through this (who was much more helpful!) and at least she is taking his sensory issues seriously. We also get the "results" of the school testing on Friday, I thought they were helpful as well when I met with them during that evaluation.

In case you can't tell, I am still processing, I am feeling muddled. And I am feeling rather foolish that I hoped the first doctor we met with would listen to me and take his entire history into account, not just the good day he was having that day. I came in to her specifically with questions about "Level 1" Autism - because when I read those criterea, when I look at the books and the examples and the checklists, I see my boy in the pages. I can absolutely accept that it can be something else, but I at least want my concerns taken seriously.

Everyday since the evaluation has been very hard for Rocket Boy - he is in a sensitive period right now, and everything and anything is setting him in tantrums, fear, or crying. I can see the confusion in his eyes when he can't handle the world, and it makes me even more determined to make someone listen. I'm his mom, I know him better than anyone, and I know that I have to work for him to find out what our answer is - no matter what that ends up being.

Piles and Piles of Paperwork

Wonderful news in our journey - we got an appointment for autism evaluation. The child psychologist's office called me back and we have a spot for a 3 hour evaluation, on November 5th. There will be a parent interview, child interview, a play session, and then an evaluation with the occupational therapist to look at motor skills and sensory issues. Then the next week (on the 14th) I meet with the team to discuss the findings. That same day I will also meet with the school district team to discuss their findings.

So basically, the 14th is a pivotal day for our family.

I probably won't sleep between the 4th and the 14th.

In preparation for the evaluation they have sent ahead piles of paperwork and questionaires. The GARS-3, the BASC-2, a sensory evaluation sheet, an Autism checklist from another source, a checklist from our hospital system, and the normal intake papers. On top of that, I will by typing up documents to accompany several of the sections, since my comments and concerns won't fit in the little space provided. I am all about providing everything that might be needed and covering my bases before I am even asked. I also get flustered when something emotional is going on, and I don't want to forget anything.

Rocket Boy's behavior has been in a pretty downward spiral as of late. Yesterday, he tried to choke me...yeah. My three year old put his hands around my neck and squeezed and yelled. I have no idea where he got that from. We are very careful about what he sees on TV and he has never seen that kind of violence at home. Ever. That meltdown and aggression started when I asked him to stop running his car into my leg and he threw it at me. I took the car and the meltdown commenced. He finally passed out for a nap. I had to lay down and calm down...and just cry. Hearing my little boy yell "I don't like you!" and throw things and hit me and get so physical - no mother wants to experience that.

I hope that this evaluation leads to answers and help. Rocket Boy and I need tools to help him.

Calm Down Corner

Since our visual schedule is working rather well, I decided to try a version of the visual calm-down aids I have seen online. 

We have been using "time-out" and "time-in" for a long while now. While "time-in" still works at times (when we catch a behavior spiral before it gets out of control), time-outs were not working at all anymore. It didn't matter the location or the method or the time length. It had simply lost meaning, and honestly it was driving me crazy enforcing something that wasn't working. 

So we took the advice of many a book and started fresh. Introducing "Calm Down Corner"

 

This is a corner just off the living room, but behind the baby gate (so that Rocket Baby can't interrupt). I can see and hear him he is not in isolation. In our oddly set up downstairs living area, it's really the only spot I could clear out. 

I marked out a box on the floor with tape so that Rocket Boy knows precisely where he is expected to stay (which was a problem with the previous time-out method). I added a small pillow, a SMALL blanket (anything larger than a baby blanket becomes a whirlwind weapon of doom), and a few items - one puzzle, one favorite book, and two of his calm-down glitter bottles we made together. I also added a visual aid to the wall.

The visual aid may have to change, which is the one road block we have hit. I meant for the list to be a visual reminder of things he could do, and explained he didn't have to do all of them but that he could do what he thought would make him feel calm. 

Instead...he insists on doing everything in specific order and wants me to verify each step. Needless to say that doesn't give him or I a break from the situation and raised emotions. So...I will figure out something else there. Maybe a choice board? But then that is too much when he is upset or wound up. If anyone has suggestions on that note, let me know. 

Overall though, I think the new space is working. For one, I don't always have to send him there. Several times in the past couple of days he has asked to go to Calm Down Corner when he feels out of control. That is a huge step for him, especially given he is three years old to begin with without all the other things he is dealing with. And when I do send him there to calm down, he is actually staying there and not making a game of it. 

While we need to refine the method a bit, I hope this is a positive change for us. While we still try to use "time-in" (comfort, hugs, deep breathes, etc) as much as we can, Rocket Boy tends to fight physical comfort from others when he is in the middle of a tantrum or meltdown. Hopefully this will give us a place to go when he doesn't know how to accept outside help. 

Book Review: The Asperkid's Launch Pad

I am an avid reader and a lover of the library; I could honestly spend all day in the quiet of a library, turning pages of books new and old. When we decided to seek help for some of the specific issues Rocket Boy was having I turned to the library and picked up books across a wide range of subjects.

One of the most helpful books I found was one I picked up on a whim - The Asperkid's Launch Pad, Home Design to Empower Everyday Superheros, by Jennifer Cook O'Toole.

While this book is focused on how to make a home more functional for a child with Autism/ASD, I feel that the tips and tricks would be helpful for anyone, young or old, Autistic or Neurotypical. This book breaks down how to help your child in each part of your home and contains extra little notes and tips along the way.

The photos in the book are beautiful without being overly-staged, making me feel that the goals are attainable and translatable. While some of it is beyond my comfort zone (accessible glass wear for toddlers/young kids to use) it does give me a lot to think about once we don't have a Rocket Baby getting into everything.

One of the most profound points of this book is the way it opens your eyes to how an "asperkid" sees the world. It points out how complicated tasks can be that we may take for granted, such as pouring a drink. After I read this book I started to verbally break down tasks for Rocket Boy and found that he did so much better with that extra direction. The visual schedule suggestions have worked very well too.

If you are looking for ways to help your child now, I really can not recommend this book enough. In all the turmoil of facing a possible diagnosis for your child this book can cut through the suggestions and scientific talk and get right down to practical advice and application. 

School District Evaluation

The start of our journey with Rocket Boy was a high ASQ:SE score. He scored a 170 (not including the extra points from areas I marked as concerning) and the cutoff for "normal" is 70. This confirmed for me that the issues we were having was not all in my head. The public health nurse who helped us with the screening suggested contacting our school district as a good place to start since Rocket Boy was past the age for the Early Intervention programs.

And so, we contacted our school district. Initially we were told it could be two months before we would be seen, even with the high ASQ:SE score on file. I decided to send the evaluation team a document outlining some the behaviors we were seeing at home and socially, hoping that it would speed up the process. It did, and they fit us in just a week after that email went out.

Today was the evaluation. Rocket Boy did super, as I knew he would. He is very smart, but of course I think that since I am his mama. When it comes to cognative skills and learning ability, RB is ahead of the curve. Today just confirmed that again for me. We won't know the actual scores for a few more weeks but their initial tally today showed that he is advanced. Since I tested within "gifted" range as a child, this wasn't a huge surprise to me - but it doesn't stop me from feeling proud!

However, given my concerns and his ASQ:SE score, they want to observe him at preschool. They will not be looking so much for educational delays or issues but more for social abilities. They want to see him among his peers and trying to "attend" (pay attention) to tasks. They agree that while he may be able to sit still for three hours right now, his immediate meltdowns after school time is over shows just how much effort that takes for him.

They were able to give me the names of some Occupational Therapists and Child Psychologists in town who we can contact for private evaluation. His social/emotional issues will not receive help from the school if they don't interfere with learning, therefore we will most likely need private evaluation to get any therapies or help.

Step One of this journey is completed, or at least mostly completed. I will sleep a little better tonight just knowing we put one foot in front of the other today.

DIY Cold Brew Coffee

As most parents will admit, coffee is a god we worship with a love/hate relationship. I went years without coffee but the moment I had kids coffee wormed its way back into my life. 

I am a lover of iced coffee. Hot coffee just doesn't do it for me; I find it pretty bitter. Plus hot drinks suck in the summer. 

For a long while I would make a pot of hot coffee and then cool it and keep it in the fridge but it was still bitter. So then I started buying iced coffee in the dairy section of the store. Expensive and has a bunch of ingredients I would rather avoid. 

Then I found out you can cold brew your own. This solves several issues - for starters you can pick any flavor you like and are not limited by what is in the dairy section. You also control the ingredients and strength. Oh, and it's way cheaper. 

So here is how I make mine:

Obtain a large glass container - I like my giant Ball canning jar. I got it at Target and it holds over six cups. 

Get your coffee - I buy pre-ground. Word to the wise, do NOT buy a coffee with any artificial or "fun" flavors. It tastes awful with this method. 

In my case, it is about a 1:5 or 1:6 ratio of coffee:water. I put in a cup of coffee and fill my jar to the top with COLD water - about five or six cups. 

Let sit in the fridge over night. 8-16 hours. 

In the morning, place a small sieve over a large bowl and put a coffee filter in it as well for good measure. Slowly drain the coffee and throw out the grounds. Put the coffee back in your  jar and return it to fridge. 

Add coffee to a glass and flavor to your liking. I love some vanilla almond milk in mine, over ice.

I have seen some instructions use a sort of coffee "tea bag" - making a bag out of the filters and putting the grounds inside it. Personally, I don't see the point in messing with all that, but if you try it and have a good method post it in the comments! 

Fine Motor Work...For Mommy Too

Confession - I love Target. Like, a lot. 

It's my happy place, what can I say? 

Around the major holidays Target carries great little craft kits - and many of them don't need any glue or extra supplies. The best part - most of them are under $5. Score! 

So we grabbed a couple of kits last weekend, but didn't get around to doing them all. The one he was looking forward to the most was this little guy below.

Now I am a HUGE lover of owls - seriously my house looks like an aviary - so I was excited he picked this one over the fox. I also saw a great opportunity for some fine motor work. You see, you have to remove all these little tiny glitter foam circles from the sticky pads, then put them on the little circle outlines in the correct color-coded areas. So you get fine motor work, color practice, and hopefully a little quiet time for everyone too.

Or not.

The circles didn't come off the foam pad very well and Rocket Boy was getting too frustrated trying to peel the thin paper off the back of each circle. So I got to sit on the floor next to him and take the paper off each one and line them up for him.

While I didn't get to finish putting away dishes, I did get to have some time with Rocket Boy and talk about how the little circles were all waiting in line to be put on the picture and couldn't jump out of line. We also talked a lot about glitter because he takes after me and loves glitter.

While he doesn't always do well with back and forth conversation, he does always love a good sticker session - especially with glitter.

Woo Woo Woo (Or, Our Time at the Grocery)

Woo Woo Woo

"Okay honey, that's a cool noise. Can you think of another cool noise to make?"

Woo Woo Woo

Woo Woo Woo

"Hey bud, did you hear mommy?"

Woo Woo Woo

"Why don't we sing a song? The Wheels on the Bus go round and round..."

Woo Woo Woo

(Continue this thread for about 35 minutes through the store...without stopping.)
 

I know he was overstimulated. I know he was just trying to cope. I eventually gave up trying to redirect and just got the shopping done, amid a sea of "stink-eye" from my fellow shoppers.

Once upon a time when I didn't have children of my own I probably would have been one of the stink-eye givers in this situation. I didn't understand that kids were not robots, and they don't have a mute button. I didn't understand that children (and people in general) can have sensory overload. I wish I could go back and smack myself. Really.

R.I.P Glasses

The weekend was wonderful and relaxing even with the rivalry game this weekend. For college football fans out there, if you live in a "divided house" you know my pain. Rocket Dad loves Alabama...and I am a lifelong Florida fan. When they play each other we sit on opposite sides of the room and just try not to be too obnoxious to each other. 

Florida lost. Cue shame and plenty of ragging from the hubs. Sigh.

This weekend Rocket Baby also broke my glasses. My only pair of glasses...with no back up contacts. So today I got to wait 45 minutes in the eye glasses shop with Rocket Boy and Baby. At the end of all that..."No, we can't fix them here. The new frames will be here in a week." So...I am rocking the Harry Potter tape on my glasses for a week or so and dealing with uncomfortable pressure points. 

Surprisingly, RB did pretty well in the store for that long. We did hear, "waiting is hard" about 300 times, but that is one of his new phrases. Once he gets a phrase stuck in his head it is like a broken record in the right situations - and waiting is one of those times. Apparently, Daniel Tiger taught him this one. 

Thanks Daniel. 

A Start In the Right Direction

Thursday morning we had an appointment with our family doctor for Rocket Boy. He needed a well-visit, having missed several due to moving cross country and insurance issues. Rocket Boy has gained two pounds since the start of summer - which is amazing to me as his eating is getting pickier by the day. All of his normal developmental stuff checks off, apart from being wobbly in balancing (though if he had stopped trying to hop on his one foot that would have made it easier).

When we started to get into behaviors and social/emotional aspects, that is where my concerns came up. You see, RB has been giving me pause since babyhood - little things like not making consistent eye contact, not responding to his name, and not being "cuddly". He has usually preferred to play on his own and wasn't super social as a baby.

Then he had language development on an odd curve and a habit of using made-up words (without seeming to realize they were made up). For instance, just after a year old he stopped saying "mama" and then began to use the word "Gig-ga" to call for me. It took us ages to figure out this phrase was his word for "mama"...and even though it was constantly corrected and we (the adults) never used it, he continued to call me that until after his third birthday. Then one day, it was just "mom". (Needless to say I was relived to have a normal name again). He continues to make up words and use them in conversation with no apparent knowledge that the word isn't meaningful to the rest of us. 

Lately he has added what I can only call "stimming" actions to his repertoire of behaviors - running a consistant route through the living space on tip-toes for mild excitement/anxiety to a "knee spin" when he is really wound up tight. If I try to stop these activities he goes totally wild - throwing his body around and kicking and crying. His preferred method of "play" is aggresively physical and he can't seem to help himself - head butting like a bull and rolling on people. He is overly touchy to his peer's faces instead of using a standard "hello" to start a conversation or play interaction.

I could go on (and I did in a three page write up for his doctor), but suffice to say that his collection of behaviors has gotten to the point of being very troubling. Our doctor agreed that an evaluation is needed and the "big A's" were mentioned - Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD. I can't say I was surprised at her suspicions, but it puts a new light on things to hear it from someone else.

We have an evaluation through the school district in a little over a week, though from what I understand they are more concerned with learning behaviors vs. the whole picture - and so far in preschool he is doing well (only 5 class days in, so we are hoping it continues). This focus on learning difficulties has me looking for an independent evaluation as well - something I need to speak with my insurance about (yay, insurance calls). I have a feeling that whatever is going on with our little Rocket, it is not going to hamper schooling for some time - but home and social life are turning into a situation that this Rocket Mama needs help with.

But for now, Rocket Boy is sleeping soundly upstairs and we have a fun weekend planned. If the mosquitos will finally die down we will venture to the park tomorrow to let off some energy. Fall crafts are waiting on the table and church this Sunday is at a historic church set in the middle of an adorable park. My project for the weekend is to look for solutions for a visual schedule for Rocket Boy - routines help him so much, but I need a schedule I can change quickly when needed vs. the hand drawn lists I have done in the past.

Have a beautiful Fall weekend everyone!

Rocket Boy!

Out Into the Interwebs - An Introduction

Hello Blogosphere, Interwebs, and Others -

I won't spend too long on a huge introduction, hopefully we can get to know each other through many more posts. For now I will say that I am a mother - a mother to two boys, but one of whom will be the "subject" here. We shall call him "Rocket Boy" or RB for short.

Rocket Boy started out life in the normal fashion...wonderful birth, wonderful breastfeeding relationship, pretty wonderful babyhood. He is now three and a bit. Rocket Boy is truly an amazing little guy but lately we have been getting more and more worried about RB. And mama has been getting more and more worn out and frazzled.

The title of this blog and Rocket Boy's name come from the feeling I have about my little guy. Sometimes I get the feeling that Rocket Boy is "on another planet" - I can't reach him, and he can't reach me. Other days he is very present and we are on the same planet. As I write and work through all this (more to come on what "all this" is), that feeling is what I come back too. I come back to it each and every day and it keeps me up most nights.

Starting tomorrow we are going to work towards finding solutions - solutions to get me to his planet or bring him closer to mine. Maybe somehow we can meet in the middle.